I fail at the "decafalon".....

 *The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once
    again invited readers to take any word from
    the dictionary, alter it by adding,
    subtracting, or changing one letter, and
    supply a new definition.*

    *Here are the winners:*

    1.*Cashtration* (n.): The act of buying a
    house, which renders the subject financially
    impotent for an indefinite period of time.

    2.*Intaxicaton* : Euphoria at getting a tax
    refund, which lasts until you realize it was
    your money to start with.

    3.*Reintarnation* : Coming back to life as a
    hillbilly.

    4.*Bozone* ( n..): The substance surrounding
    stupid people that stops bright ideas from
    penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately,
    shows little sign of breaking down in the near
    future.

    5.*Giraffiti* : Vandalism spray-painted very,
    very high

    6.***_Sarchasm_*: The gulf between the author
    of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't
    get it.

    7.*Inoculatte* : To take coffee intravenously
    when you are running late.

    8.*Osteopornosis* : A degenerate disease.
    (This one got extra credit.)

    9.*Karmageddon* : It's like, when everybody is
    sending off all these really bad vibes, right?
    And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's
    like, a serious bummer.

    10.*Decafalon* (n.): The grueling event of
    getting through the day consuming only things
    that are good for you.

    11.*Dopeler Effect*: The tendency of stupid
    ideas to seem smarter when they come at you
    rapidly.

    12.*Arachnoleptic Fit* (n.): The frantic dance
    performed just after you've accidentally
    walked through a spider web.

    13.*Beelzebug* (n.): Satan in the form of a
    mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three
    in the morning and cannot be cast out.

    14.*Caterpallor* ( n.): The color you turn
    after finding half a worm in the fruit you're
    eating.

    *The Washington Post has also published the
    winning submissions to its yearly contest, in
    which readers are asked to supply alternate
    meanings for common words.**

    And the winners are:*
    1.*Coffee*, n.. The person upon whom one coughs.

    2.*Flabbergasted*, adj. Appalled by
    discovering how much weight one has gained.

    3..*Abdicate*, v. To give up all hope of ever
    having a flat stomach.

    4*esplanade*, v. To attempt an explanation
    while drunk.

    5..*Negligent*, adj. Absentmindedly answering
    the door when wearing only a nightgown.

    6.*Lymph*, v.. To walk with a lisp.

    7.*Gargoyle*, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

    8.*Flatulence*, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up
    someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

    9.*Balderdash*, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

    10.*Rectitude*, n. The formal, dignified
    bearing adopted by proctologists.

    11.*Pokemon*, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

    12.*Oyster*, n. A person who sprinkles his
    conversation with Yiddishisms.

    13.*Frisbeetarianism*, n. The belief that,
    after death, the soul flies up onto the roof
    and gets stuck there.